Motherhood Wonders

"And Allah has extracted you from the wombs of your mothers not knowing a thing, and He made for you hearing and vision, and intellect that perhaps you would be grateful." An-Nahl (16:78)

How the Work of the Ego affects Relationships?

We all experience the work of ego in our daily lives, but not all of us see it. Here is the thing, I never truly paid attention to my ego until I got married and it became so visible how “me” would get in the way of so many of my decisions. Then, it all started to make sense. When my husband and I were engaged, small things would upset me and as a result, he would get a looonnnngg angry text. It used to feel like a single emotion would just let out a flood. I would not speak to him and of course just think and cry over it for days. Now I am like what was I thinking?? Wow, so the ego is a pretty serious business.

Throughout the past few years, I have seen myself change as I focused on balancing the “me” in my relationships and other matters in life. Insecurities and fears that are hidden deep within our hearts allow our egos to take the front seat. Our ego is affected by everything we have been through and manifests itself to overprotect us, but it can very easily blur our reality. As I look back (or read old texts), I can see that I looked at everything from an emotional lens. Getting married and seeing how the ego jumps in every time something unexpected is said or done, has made me realize that the bigger picture can never be seen if the ego takes over.

Ego is the one that makes us shut everyone and everything out when we feel hurt. It exaggerates the situation in our head as if it is the end of the world. If you have heard of the silent treatment (or ahem practice it), it stems right from our egos. I had to stop letting my ego speak for the better, wiser side of me.

You see, our ego can trick us into believing that our reactions are valid and that we are standing up for our selves, protecting our dignity and respect. The ego can shift our perspective to only seeing the negative side of things. This is when it gets really damaging. Our reactions (not speaking to people, blaming, guilt trips, etc) start putting a wedge between relationships. Even then, our egos keep telling us we are doing the right thing.

Being humble is a characteristic I aspire to and that requires empathy. The first thing “I” and “me” attack is our ability to empathize. We may be able to sympathize, but it is not the same as understanding what other people may be feeling and what may have caused them to feel this way. Empathy is the secret to balancing the ego. Once we learn to understand that other people in our lives are also going through their own fair share of troubles, ups and downs, and emotional whirlpools, we can connect deeply with them. Egos create a wall that empathy breaks. Self-reflection becomes easy and so does comprehending the causation of emotions we experience in our relationships. 

I will talk about causation in a new post that will be added under Tea Talks. 

Have you experienced the work of the ego? 😉